Jul 15, 2013

Remembering Danny - 6 Months Later

I honestly didn't think I would ever be ok again.   What happened six months ago was so all encompassing across every facet of my world, it didn't seem possible that I could ever go back to laughing, smiling and being happy.   The strange part of it was that this wasn't the most traumatic or most difficult thing I've had to cope with in life, but it was the one that knocked me off my feet completely.   Of course, a logical part of me knew inevitably I would bounce back, but it really took a lot of time and many many sad nights mourning the loss of my friend, boss and big brother.

You've read my earlier posts on the subject (if you haven't, just search "Danny" on the home page) so you know that music has been an integral part of my mourning and healing process.   What scares me the most at this point is that I was only at that job for six months- and it has now been that exact same amount of time that he has been gone.   I am very different from the person I was the day I started at that salon.   But I am also better off today than I was back then- almost as if that job literally groomed me for the one I now have.

I was driving to work on my first day a few weeks ago, and the Swedish House Mafia song came blaring on the radio as I turned my car on "Don't you worry child, heaven has a plan for you" ... aside from becoming the anthem for all of us to remember him by, it also has become somewhat of a mantra for me.   And that day, driving to a new job in the same zip code a few blocks from the previous one...I felt protected, like he really was telling me it was ok to move on and that everything would be fine.

Last week another of my own personal anthems came on the radio and I had to stop and sing it.   I'll Be Missing you came out when I was in 10th grade I think- and I only know this because a classmate of mine died tragically that year and we all sang that song to remember her.   I'm borrowing it again now- I miss you Danny.   All the time, in random ways, but I can finally smile and think of the good, the positive, the happier stuff.   I thank you for the months I did have with you, and I miss you for all the things you won't get to see me do with the skills and encouragement you gave me. Miss you much.

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