Jan 4, 2010

Jennifer Lopez... New Years Eve Costume

Ok,we can all agree that there was a time Jlo could wear anything and look amazing. In fact, I'll go so far as to say girlfriend rarely has a red carpet don't moment. HOWEVER whoever styled her for the Times Square New Year's performance this year was either harboring a secret grudge against the girl or is seriously fashion challenged.

Before I get into it- let us look back at the first really scandalous outfit Mrs. Marc Anthony wore:

Ahhh yes, the boobalicious green Versace number. Daringly baring and not much more than a sheer scarf conveniently taped down in all the right places with a pair of bootie shorts to hide her goodies. It was the talk of the season and caused quite a ruckus.

I went through google and chose a few images of other outfits Miss Lopez has worn over the years:

Obviously there's a lot more that I haven't posted but this is not the purpose of the post.

The girls over at Go Fug Yourself have written a great post that voices exactly my sentiments about this new outfit:
Happy Fug Year

And welcome to my TRIUMPH! Yes, that's right, niños, I danced and sang in the RAIN. It was pouring like Blahfleck after half a flight of stairs up in this joint! Do you know the bravery it took, amigos? I am freaking MOTHER COURAGE. Madre del Coraje! But I could not let down my public. You were one giant mega-block, and I was your Jenny, and if I did not parade in front of you like the gleaming constellation, flashing my Ursa Major all up in your grills, you would have started 2010 weeping like when I walked up to Ryan Seacrest in dress rehearsal and asked him where I could find a Big Dipper, and then Marc showed up and I said, "Ah, just kidding, Ryan Seacrest, he is right here," and then Ryan Seacrest ran away sobbing! Because I am so funny! Haahahahahahaaaa! Although he did mutter something about, "Even Orion had a BELT," and so I think he must have been upset about his accessories?

But let us not dwell on tiny weepers, America! It is a new decade! I feel so... so...

FREEEEEE! To celebrate, how about a tall drink of BOOB SWEAT? Just kidding! HA! For one thing, I do not sweat, I leak "Live By Jennifer Lopez," available now at quality retailers. For another, I do not sweat. So it is not boob sweat that you see there under the Gemini; it is RAIN. Remember? About the hurricane in Times Square? Where I danced? Like a hero? I was Gene Kelly up in that joint, bitches, and my boobs were my reverse-umbrella. So you cannot bring me down with your talk of wet spots and waterproof weaves and whether Cameltoenius is a new Zodiac sign! I AM REBORN! I AM YOUNG! And not because of some ceremony where I prick my finger and bleed into a cup and then mix it with goat cheese and pickles and some fresh hair of ferret, and call it La Sangre de Awesome, as my Marc insisted I must do! HA HA, Marc-y Marc! I do not need your witch science to invigorate my Funky Bunch! And if you don't believe me, then you can KISS IT.

BESAME where it counts, mi esposo! And Happy New Year, America! This is the greatest gift I could give to you. Please send thank-you notes to my agent.

Todo mi amor,

I'll end with one last thought (and a picture)

You know you're a hasbeen when you're copying an outfit that Britney Spears wore first and Heidi Montag copied! The darker fabric is fooling no one- next time, wear a dress and DO NOT get me started on those awful wrestling shoes you wore when you performed your new single 'Louboutins' for the first time!

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